So I know I am usually upbeat and try to be inspirational in these posts, but I have a confession to make. I'm not satisfied. I've been feeling very unsatisfied lately. I've felt kind of like a failure as a Christian because I know I should feel satisfied. How do I know? Just read some of these verses:
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. John 6:35
And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. Isaiah 58:11
The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm. Proverbs 19:23
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
But my eyes cannot stay focused on Jesus. I keep getting distracted by all these things that I want...
Like a new house, a new car, a hot body that is bikini ready at a moment's notice, a maid, a family, a big family with at least four kids, prince charming, a hot prince charming that is head over heels for me and loves Jesus, a massage, a vacation, a turquoise bauble necklace, a promotion, an award, some recognition for my work, to be beautiful, to be recognized for my beauty, to be loved...I could go on and on.
And I know even if I got these things they would not satisfy me. Just read the book of Ecclesiastes. Or look at Hollywood. All those beautiful, rich people who could have whatever they want with a snap of their fingers...they don't seem to be satisfied either.
I"m committing the sin of coveting. I'm coveting everything everyone around me has, or everything society tells me I should have and I can't stop. I really don't know what is going on right now but something has to change because I just keep trying to fill this yearning with food and laziness and despair and it keeps getting worse. I know it sounds horrible and pathetic but it isn't as bad as I am making it seem here on a daily basis. Normally I am fine. I'm just getting really annoyed by this lingering "unsatisfied" feeling.
So I'm going to try some different things. I started some new devotionals. One is a "soul cleanse" and the other is a devotional on fasting. I am going to try fasting at least once a week. I am going to chase after God and ask Him to satisfy this craving and try to stop "wanting" so much.